Dear Rabbi Danny,
I met a handsome lawyer on JDate. We met for drinks and fireworks exploded the moment we laid eyes on each other!We talked and laughed at the bar for hours until closing. We were right in the middle of a deep conversation, so he asked me if I would like to continue the night at his place. I agreed. The fun and laughter continued…and then one thing lead to another… We had sex and then in the morning said our loving goodbyes. But it’s been 3 days now and he hasn’t called or emailed even though he said he would! My first question is, why would someone behave like this? And my second question, what should I do? Should I call him and ask him what’s wrong?
I am sorry to hear about the situation you find yourself in. After the date and night which you had I can understand that you would have expected a call, an e-mail, or at the very least a text message the next day, let alone three days later. It is of course possible that there is a legitimate reason why he has not been in touch; but in the age of instant communication it is hard to believe that there is a reason which explains absolutely no contact.
I would like to think that maybe after such a wonderful first date he was scared about the commitment and connection which could develop between you. Unfortunately it is also possible that he was after only one thing.
It is easy to get carried away on a great first date, but first impressions can be wrong, and it is therefore always worth waiting before taking things to the next level (for this reason it can also be worth giving someone a second chance after an ‘alright’ first date).
While people still like the traditional gender roles which involve the man pursuing the woman; we live in a society where men and women are equal. At the moment you are left wondering why he hasn’t called and playing out 101 scenarios in your head; so pick up the phone and give him a call. One way or another, this should give you an answer, even if it is not the one that you would ideally be looking for. It can be hard to make the phone call; but knowing where you stand will help you feel a lot better.
All the best,