Dear Rabbi Danny,
I’ve been dating a really sweet, smart and funny guy for about a month now. We get along brilliantly and have loads of fun together. I feel like I have known him for ages. But no matter how much I enjoy his company, I am simply not sexually attracted to him. I keep telling myself that in time the desire to be physical with him will come. We’ve been on 6 dates so far and I still feel nothing. I am sure he has begun to notice because we haven’t even kissed yet. What should I do? Could I be blowing off my beshert for something as shallow as sexual attraction? HELP?
Frustrated in Finchley
Dear Frustrated in Finchley,
There are many ingredients that make up the recipe for a successful relationship. Some of them appear at the very beginning and others take a little longer to develop. One of the most important elements is that the couple enjoys each others’ company, and it is great that you can say this so positively after only 6 dates.
Yet attraction is another one of those important elements, and without it, what you really have is a friendship. Sexual attraction does not necessarily spring fully formed on the first meeting, and it can sometimes develop over time. But it is also something that cannot be forced and with the right person, will come naturally.
I think it is wonderful that you are open to fully exploring this relationship, and that you are considering all of the positive aspects of it and him, rather than just focusing on the negatives. It is also important to recognize, however, that feeling sexual attraction is not shallow, and while it is not the only important element of a relationship, it is important nonetheless.
After only 6 dates, I would suggest that it is worth trying for a little bit longer before giving up on this guy. After all, you are enjoying spending time with him, and who knows what that first kiss might bring.
All the best,